


One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

by KimberlyFDR



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, First Time, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 08:09:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimberlyFDR/pseuds/KimberlyFDR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's acting weird. Well, weirder than usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

**Author's Note:**

> How can it be Established Relationship and Pre-Relationship all at the same time? Oh, it's possible. Trust me.

One minute Rodney's walking down the hall, on his way to the science lab to check out the small power fluctuation he had picked up. The next minute he's being pulled into a storage closet and Colonel Sheppard is on him. Well, more exactly, Colonel Sheppard's lips are on him. There seems to be a disconnect between Point A and Point B.

"Colonel..."

"I've been wanting to do this all day."

"Sheppard..."

"And we're off duty until tomorrow morning."

"Will you..."

"Just you and me and an empty apartment."

McKay pushed him away.

"Are you insane?!" Rodney finally managed to get out, once he could breathe again.

Sheppard looked taken aback. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Rodney repeated back. "You just assaulted me in a storage closet!"

"It's not like we haven't done it before," John pouted a little.

"It's exactly like we haven't done it before because We Haven't Done It Before!"

"Yes, we have," John assured him. "Joey caught us the last time, but don't worry about it now." Sheppard inched closer. "Teyla said she'd take him to the mainland overnight."

"Joey?" Rodney's face had a look of confusion overlaid with anger. "Is that one of your Marines? You think one of your Marines caught us making out before?"

"Joey," John said slowly. "Our son."

"Our son?!" Rodney pushed himself away from Sheppard, trying for as much room as possible in such a tight space.

"You gave birth to the child, McKay. It's not like you can disown him now."

"Birth! No child came out of my body." He stopped, as if suddenly hearing what he was actually saying. "What am I even talking about? Stop it with the crazy talk. You're trying to bring me down with you."

John just smirked at him.

"Colonel, I don't know what kind of brain damage you have, but we need to get you to Carson right now."

Rodney tapped his headset. "This is McKay. I'm bringing Colonel Sheppard to you. We have a slight situation."

"Something's wrong," John said, perplexed.

"Yeah," Rodney scoffed. "You can say that again."

He stopped for a moment, listening to Carson's inquiry. "Do we need to send a medical team to you?"

"No, he's fine to walk there. We'll see you in a minute. McKay out."

John grabbed Rodney's hand after he clicked off the comm link. "Where's your ring?"

"My ring?"

"Your wedding ring." John held up his left hand, adorned by a silver band. "Our wedding rings."

"You think we're married?!" Rodney separated their joined hands.

"Rodney, you're really freaking me out."

"I'm freaking you out? Colonel, in the last five minutes you've kissed me, claimed that we have a son together which I GAVE BIRTH TO, and that we're married. And I'm freaking YOU out?!"

Rodney reached to engage the door panel. Even with his short sleeves, it was getting much too hot in here and they still needed to get to the infirmary.

"Where did you get that?" John was touching the white scar that ran along Rodney's right arm.

McKay's face went pale as he looked at Sheppard. "Remember our agreement. You don't remind me of this and I don't remind you of that." He pointed to John's right arm, where the mark Ellia left should have been. Except the skin was smooth and pink. "Wait, where's your scar?"

John looked at his forearm. "What scar?"

"From when you turned into a bug. You still had that scar yesterday because I saw it."

"I turned into a bug?!" Sheppard's voice raised. "You think I turned into a bug?"

"I know it for a fact because I was there."

"Just like I know for a fact that you gave birth to Joey because I was there," John countered.

"Will you please stop saying that because I'm getting mental images and I don't need them."

"Oh, but you can tell me I turned into a bug and I'm just supposed to accept it?"

"Shut up for a minute, I'm thinking." Rodney pondered for a few seconds. "Okay, what's the last thing you remember?"

"You mean before right now?"

Rodney snorted. "Yes, Colonel, what's the last thing you remember before trying to molest me here and now?"

John leveled a gaze at him. "I dropped Joey off with Teyla and I was coming to find you so that we could...make out."

"Mental images, mental images!" Rodney recoiled.

"You asked!"

"Did you touch anything, did anything seem out of the ordinary, did anything happen between then and now?"

"We had another rolling blackout when I was on my way here, but it went away after a minute or two."

"And you didn't think that was unusual?" McKay's voice was starting to rise.

John just shrugged. "We have them all the time."

"No, we don't. That indicates a massive problem with the Zed PM."

"Never seemed to bother you before."

"Because," Rodney sputtered. "It never happened before. Just like this kissing thing never happened before."

John's face betrayed a sense of unease. "Maybe you have amnesia. Did you hit your head?"

"Did I hit my head?!" Rodney was working himself up again. "I'm not the one who made up this little fantasy life with a marriage and a kid and....where in this big gay romance does your Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy fall?"

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Rodney, we're on Atlantis."

"Really? I couldn't tell," McKay shot back.

"In another galaxy. Rules like that don't really apply here."

"They don't?" Rodney seemed confused for a minute before bringing himself back under control. "What are you talking about? Of course they do. It's your military, don't try to tell me that your idiotic rules suddenly don't apply."

"Do you really think we could have gotten married and had a son together if they did?"

"No! I mean....no, because it never happened," Rodney's voice was tinged with a tone of insanity. "I'm going to stroke out, right here in this closet. And then where will you be? You'll all die because my big brain can't save you again and it'll be all your fault because...because you're insane!"

"Mer," John soothed.

"Did you....did you just call me Mer?!"

"It's your name."

"No! No, it's not. Jeannie is the only one who calls me that and nobody here ever calls me by my first name. Well, you do when you're especially trying to get on my nerves, but this is not the time for that."

"I call you that in bed. You like it."

"Okay, again with the mental images! Stick to the fantasy recollection where we're both fully clothed."

"That's not such a fun fantasy, now is it?" John gave a leer.

"Oh my....you're Kirk, except now you're Kirk-ing me! This is so very, very wrong." Rodney stopped, as if suddenly being hit by an idea, and then snapped his fingers. "Jeannie!"

"Is not someone I was particularly trying to think of at this moment. And is there a reason we're wasting valuable non-child time by arguing in the closet?"

Rodney glared at him.

"Fine, Jeannie. Is your sister, my sister-in-law," John tried to help.

"No talking!"

"Seriously, Rodney, is there a reason you're being so pushy?"

"What are you talking about? I've always been this pushy. I mean...." Rodney sighed. "Stop Talking!"

John fell silent, finally.

"When do you think this supposed marriage took place?"

Sheppard just stared at him, as if waiting.

"Answer the question."

"Oh, I can talk now?" John huffed.

"Have you always been this stupid?"

"Hey!"

"Just answer me." Rodney glared at him.

"Fine, seven years ago. Jog your memory now?"

"I didn't even know you seven years ago."

"Rodney, we've known each other since we came to Atlantis ten years ago."

"Ten years?! Oh, this is not good. This is really not good. I mean, if it was simply a parallel, fine. But this is temporal flux and....oh, this is not good."

"And you're scaring me again," John warned.

"Look, you may be Colonel Sheppard. You're just not..."

"Rodney," Carson's voice came over the comm link. "Colonel Sheppard is in the infirmary right now and he doesn't know why you would have said you were bringing him in."

"He wouldn't know," Rodney said. "Because I've got another one."

"What?" Carson asked.

McKay sighed. "Get Elizabeth, we're gonna need her. And don't let the Colonel leave. There's two of them."


End file.
